


Me, Myself And My Alternate Universe

by scapegoat



Category: Avengers (Comics), Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Black Widow (Comics), Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 3490, Thor (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Advanced Idea Mechanics, Aliens, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Race Changes, Asgard (Marvel), Asgardian Magic, Asgardians - Freeform, Atlantis, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Deaf Clint Barton, Dubious Morality, Extinction, Genetically Engineered Beings, Howling Commandos - Freeform, Hulks, Human Disaster Clint Barton, I for one welcome our new alien overlords, Inhumans (Marvel), Klyntar, Kree (Marvel), Life Model Decoys, Magic, Maria Stark's A+ Parenting, Marvel MCU/Marvel 3490 Crossover, Mercenaries, Multiple Universe Theories, Mutants, Mutates, Natasha Needs a Hug, Nova Corps, Once Upon a Time (TV) References, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Pokemon References, Protective Natasha, Protective Thor, Puppy Piles, Pym Particles, References to Lord of the Rings, Repopulating Alien Species, Skrull(s), Star Trek References, Star Wars References, Super Soldier Serum, Thor Needs a Hug, Unexplained Science, Universe Alteration, Universe Travel, Vampires, Vigilantism, Wakanda, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:45:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5245409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scapegoat/pseuds/scapegoat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha and Thor are not exactly the likeliest of duos but when Thor’s magic happy ex-flame hurls them into an alternate universe teaming up is their best chance for both returning home and survival... <strike>especially with all the aliens around.</strike></p><p>The whole ‘returning home’ process is where things get tricky because in order to go back to their universe they have to save this one. Saving the world is what Avengers do – unfortunately, the team does not exactly exist in this universe.</p><p>The members are there just – well they aren’t even remotely close to the teammates from their world. Superheroing doesn’t come with a manual but come hell or high water the Avengers are going to assemble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any universes Marvel has created over the past, oh I don’t know, forever? I also make no money from any writing.

The fan was whirring overhead bringing in a steady, soothing hum. Green eyes open slowly despite the throbbing pain shooting from the skull straight to the eyeballs, to survey the surroundings – through squinting of course. The walls were a muted grey and the overwhelming scent of antiseptics were pretty clear indicators this was a hospital.  
  
Thing was, this place was far more organized than any S.H.I.E.L.D. hospital room. And it wasn’t organized enough to be the new Avengers compound hospital room. Didn’t look like any of the safe houses either.  
  
“Wake up big guy, we have a problem.” The blond mumbles something unintelligibly as a pillow gets lobbed over at him. Huffing, the redhead slowly slides off the bed mindful of the bandages around her to stalk over to the bed poking the blond. “Thor, get up.”  
  
The blond cracks open the eye not smushed into the pillow at her glancing around. “Are we being called to assemble, Natasha?”  
  
“I don’t even know where we are _to assemble_.” The blond sits suddenly doing a more thorough look around. “And...” He glances down at her gesturing to her body, “We’ve been redressed.” Not that not having weapons was a hindrance to her, it was just annoying. Whoever did this was incredibly thorough to get _every_ weapon on her person and remove all of Thor’s armor.  
  
Thor tilts his head at her, “have you done something with your hair?” Eyebrows furrowing, Natasha hobbles over to the full-body mirror inspecting herself. Her hair is not only shorter and curlier but a darker red than usual; Thor stands beside her in the mirror inspecting himself as well. He’s sporting a pretty spectacular beard. “There are subtle differences in us. How much time do you think transpired?”  
  
Before Natasha could reply the door opens and a brunette walks in. When she glances up from her paper she stops walking. “Oh! Y-You two should be resting.” The two of them exchange glances before returning to their beds eyeing the doctor wearily. Thor’s still eyeing the doctor with a look of longing and purebred confusion. According to the S.H.I.E.L.D. index, this was Jane Foster – yet it _wasn’t_ Jane. As far as S.H.I.E.L.D. knew Jane wasn’t a medical doctor and if this truly was Jane she certainly would have recognized Thor. Especially with how much Thor talks about her. Natasha has yet to meet her in person but she’s read the file. “So, let's get right down to it. I’m Doctor Foster. You two weren’t injured too severely but hospital procedures state we need to thoroughly test all patients for any Skrull residue upon entry, once your old clothes are out of the decontamination unit you’ll get them back.” The brunette nods to herself. “Are there any questions?”

“Where is this?”  
  
“This is Masters Medical in Brooklyn, New York.” Thor glances at the redhead who shrugs slightly. “Anymore questions?” The two of them shake their heads, “alright then. Your clothes will be ready momentarily. If you two need anything there are buzzers on the bed that will alert the nurses.” Nodding, the brunette leaves the room closing the door behind her.  
  
“I have seen this before... in the films, we are not in a world of our own.”  
  
Natasha props herself up on the bed. “Perhaps you’ve been watching too many of the films, Big Guy.”  
  
The door opens. “No, I am afraid he is right.” Thor’s on his feet stalking toward the door. “I’d be careful, Darling, you are mortal here.”  
  
Thor narrows his eyes grabs the blonde by the shoulder and pulls her inside before slamming the door. “What have you done to us, Enchantress?”  
  
“What I have done? Oh no, it is what you have done.” She glances over at the redhead, “what both of you have done.” She smiles. “It was coming in contact with the witch that brought this on. She simply made our combined desires reality.”  
  
“I do not understand.”  
  
“As I figured you would not.” She sighs lolling her head from side to side. “Let me clarify for you. My desire, as always, is a place where your precious Avengers... your Midgardian pets do not exist and therefore cannot get in my way so we may be alone.” Thor sighs. “You two must have desired a do-over as it were. Perhaps expressed the desire for me to leave your realm putting an end to the battle. You really should be more specific with your strongest desires.”  
  
“You are saying that we are in a place where you are not bothering us _and_ The Avengers are gone?” Natasha looks her over, “you’re still here. And so are we.”  
  
“You must learn to hear the words within words Widow. I simply said The Avengers, I too did not specify.”  
  
“So... the team is here—”  
  
“They are just not a team.” Thor finishes. “Alright, then did you also desire that my beloved not know me?”  
  
Amora tilts her head, “no?” She shrugs. “You know the stories Heimdall has spoke of. The many worlds within each realm? Think of this as just a different one to yours. One that has no Avengers _and_ has me not in your realm. A win-win, so to speak.”  
  
“More like a half-assed lose-lose situation. The Avengers haven’t been formed yet you are still here harassing us.” Amora shrugs. “If you said Wanda brought this on you should be able to get us out of here.”  
  
Amora laughs. “No. I find myself quite fond of this world. Creatures use magic freely and I have been complimented many times over with my beauty without using a single enchantment.” She sighs contently. “Besides, I physically cannot help you. Whatever the witch used it was unlike any magic I saw and I have trained with the greatest sorcerers in the nine realms.”  
  
There’s a knock on the door, considering Thor still has Amora pressed against it he grabs her by the shoulder then opens the door with his free hand. “Ah, Jane told me you were awake. May I come in?” Thor nods side stepping allowing the man entry. “My name is Reed Richards, welcome. Do you have any questions for me?”  
  
“Doctor Richards.” The man glances over at Amora, “tell them all about the alternates.” She grins.  
  
Reed nods. “Ah yes, so you are all alternates as well then.” Thor and Natasha exchange glances. “Allow me to explain. See, there is more than just one universe out there. My team and I investigate multiple worlds and see how they differ from ours. The research began with the surfacing of Atlantis...” He clears his throat, “anyway... we—”  
  
“What are Skrulls?” Natasha interrupts.  
  
“Oh...” He sighs heavily, “well they are green, easily spotted, pointed-eared, shapeshifting, now nearly extinct species of alien initially set here to take over our world to fight their alien rivals known as the Kree. Except both species are nearing extinction so...” He draws in a breath, “they came to Earth for assistance in repopulating.” Natasha’s about to open her mouth to call this guy out on his bullshit except she’s in a room with two aliens right now. And if Thor and Jane Foster are together there would be some ‘repopulating’ on that front as well. Whatever the hell these "Skrull" things are they don’t sound as bad as the Chitauri – but that’s mainly because they chose not to invade the planet to destroy it. “We scan people – or creatures that appear like people – for residue which might help with the quest of repopulation.”  
  
“So half-alien is better than no alien at all, correct?” Amora asks side eyeing Thor.  
  
“That’s what they seem to think. It’ll be easier to help them with that than to fight them and have the world destroyed in the process.” Reed shrugs, “of course that’s merely my opinion. So...” He takes a deep breath, “are there any questions?” Thor and Natasha shake their heads. “Really? None at all? Oh, well if you have any questions at a later date just drop by and someone will be happy to answer them. Or, you know, you can call. That works too.” Nodding, the man walks out the room.  
  
“Believe me now?” Amora asks breaking free from Thor’s grip. “You have grown soft Darling.” She pats his face. “I believe it would be enjoyable seeing all this world has to offer. Don’t try and spoil all that by playing hero. I am certain your world is not in any immediate peril and even if it is you have enough members of your team to cover it until your return.” She pats Thor on the face one more before leaving.  
  
Natasha sighs walking back over to the bed sitting on it. “So now what? She really can’t help us.”  
  
“Aye. While talented Amora’s magic is nowhere near as powerful as, say, Loki’s and it is also more unbalanced than Wanda’s.”  
  
“She’s pretty much the eviler of the two evils?” Thor nods. “Didn’t really expect her help anyway. What do we do? As smart as we are we can’t figure this out on our own. We need someone to help us get back.”  
  
“Stark?”  
  
“He’s not ...magic heavy.”  
  
“Then Selvig?” Thor frowns, “but he may not even be in this universe. I have never heard of any Reed Richards and... now that I think of it _we_ may not even exist in this world.”  
  
“Or we could just be different.” Natasha rolls her eyes. She can’t believe this shit. First aliens, then a robot with a personal vendetta, then _more_ aliens and now they’re off to a different universe with even more aliens than theirs? Excuse her for being skeptical of the whole damn thing. This could very well be a dream (nightmare) or another little mind fuck courtesy of Wanda. “If we can’t find any ‘other versions’” She air-quotes, “of our team in this world we’ll just have to find people in this world that can help put us back in our world.”

“An excellent idea... except we do not know anyone in this world yet.” Thor blinks. “Ah! Our clothes. Remember the tracker given to us? We might be able to find the team – same DNA even if we are in separate universes.”  
  
“Does it work that way?”  
  
Thor shrugs, “no two series are the same in explanation of these phenomenons.” In one of his bizarre ways of showing the team he truly cares about them... without seeming as though he cares, Tony Stark built trackers into the Avengers communicators but having those in your ears (or near your ears) was pretty irritating so he made watches instead. Watches that calibrate to the user’s DNA that help find other Avengers – even the ones that left after the whole Ultron deal. It could even find Pietro... should he re-emerge from death or something (nothing was impossible anymore).  
  
“So we’re going to find this universe’s Avengers?” Thor nods, “then what? Bring the team together?”  
  
“Possibly. We are looking for ways to return home, surely one of them must know. Then there is always Reed, we may be able to ask him for assistance as well.”  
  
“True, let's start with him first.”  
  
S.H.I.E.L.D. makes it their business to find people who do not want to be found and as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Natasha is equipped with that skill. And Thor is ... _Thor_ enough to create a distraction just in case. When they go to retrieve their residue free clothing they head to Reed’s office. “I must admit, I didn’t expect you to come here so fast.” He chuckles. “What can I do for you two?”  
  
Thor clears his throat as he sits down. “Do you have a way to return us to our world?”  
  
Reed frowns slightly. “There is no instant world traveling device I can press to send you back; it’ll take days—maybe months—of research. If I don't do this correctly who knows where you two will end up. We have to find out which universe you came from, the parallels to this universe, why you showed up here, _how_ you showed up here... the list goes on and on. I’m not saying it's impossible, I’m saying it is not an easy fix. I’m incredibly short staffed with the whole ‘multiple universe’ situation especially with helping every alien race that decided to make this planet their new home.”  
  
“Just how many alien races are here?” Natasha asks. It may have only been a few minutes (awake anyway) but this place seems worse than their world. Well, at least they didn't have the whole destroy the world vibe going.

“As far as the ones that have been registered we have Skrulls, Krees, Altantians – who I _believe_ are aliens, Jotunn, Asgardians, Klyntar. Not to mention the other non human creatures we have here such as Vampires, Androids, these things called Inhumans and lastly the greatest of all we refer to as Mutants.”  
  
“All these species are on the planet?” Thor pauses, “ _this_ planet.”  
  
“New York is sort of the United Nations of Species. We give all their representatives Diplomatic Immunity, same with the beings—humans—of other nations. Well, we don’t just cough up Diplomatic Immunity on a whim but you get the gist.”  
  
“If you cannot assist us do you know of people who can?”  
  
Reed glances at Thor then sighs. “ _I_ do not but my assistant Vision has been searching for help. As I said, I’m understaffed.”  
  
Thor turns to Natasha who nods. That’s one Avenger down... and they didn’t even need the watch for him. Though, considering Vision isn’t human... would the tracker even work on him? “I’ll get him.” Reed presses the intercom button on his desk. “Vision, do you have a minute?” The robot walks _through_ the wall. Reed leans back taking his finger off the button. “That answers that.” He gestures to the two of them. “I do not have their names but our friends here are looking for a way back to their universe.”  
  
Vision stares at them briefly before looking back at Reed. “Data not found. There are no records of these two.”  
  
Reed furrows his eyebrows. “I see. So you two are not of this universe. Well, that makes this a bit harder.”  
  
“Well, I did not say they are not of this universe.” Reed looks up at him. “I said there are no records.”  
  
“Are there here... or aren’t they?”  
  
“Results are... inconclusive.” Reed sighs massaging his temples.  
  
Natasha fiddles with the watch that doesn’t even blip due to Vision’s presence but its alerting her to Thor – who is sitting right beside her! At least she knows it works. Too bad F.R.I.D.A.Y. doesn’t seem to work in this universe. There is another dot in the far corner and Natasha taps on it. It reads a name; the name of an Avenger located in Brooklyn – just a few blocks away: _Steve Rogers_.  
  
Well out of the entire roster of both current and original Avengers, next to Thor and Vision, Steve is the hardest member to hide. Everyone knows the face of Captain America after all. Plus, he is the leader and the most known/seen member of the team outside of the uniform. Natasha nudges Thor who leans over to her. “Got a read on Cap.” Thor glances down at the watch then nods. Vision is now standing beside Reed and the two of them are talking. “I’d hate to interrupt...” The two of them glance at her, “but even if it’ll take a while you _can_ get us back, right?”  
  
“Theoretically.”  
  
Natasha suppresses the urge to roll her eyes. “Good, that’s good enough.” She stands. “There’s something we need to do—”  
  
“Hold on. While we found no Skrull or any other residue on your clothes, they should have some residue from the portal you two traveled through. Because all forms of universe travel require a portal of sorts. That’ll take a few days to decipher.” Natasha nods then Thor stands and also nods. “If you two have nowhere to stay you are welcome to stay in the Baxter Building. Its in Manhattan, if where your going isn’t too far you can come back here and Vision will show you the way.” Vision nods.  
  
“That is quite generous of you Doctor Richards.”  
  
Reed smiles. “Oh! I almost forgot I did not get your names.”  
  
“I am...” He glances at Natasha who shrugs. “Thor and she is Natasha.”

❧ ♛ ⌛  
  
In hindsight, blindly following the watch/tracker instead of asking directions was not exactly the best method for travel. _This_ New York, is not like their New York. Fundamentally – its the same, full of buildings, full of people, prime spot for otherworldly activity... the overall _feel_ of Brooklyn is completely different. The difference was inexplicable, barely noticeable but still there.  
  
The tracker led them to Veneers By Van Dyne. “What are veneers?” Thor asks.  
  
“Fake teeth.” Natasha replies before walking inside. The lobby of whatever the hell this place is has a chrome finish that is just the right amount of sparkly to not make you go blind immediately. At the receptionist desk sits an incredibly bored teen sprawled partially over the desk, the brunette sits up when they approach.  
  
“Hi. Welcome to Veneer’s, do you have an appointment?”  
  
“No, we’re just...looking, trying to get a feel for the place.”  
  
The receptionist – with the name tag reading _Katherine –_ nods. “Well, Ms. Van Dyne isn’t—”  
  
“Oh you have got to me be kidding me!” Natasha doesn’t _see_ anything but she feels something zip by.  
  
The receptionist sits up further, “well there goes Ms. Van Dyne.” She smiles spinning her chair so its back is facing them then she gets up and sticks her head _through_ the wall. Great, is she another Vision? What the hell is going on here? After a few seconds Katherine’s head pops back out of the wall then she sits back on her seat turning it to them. “If you want to get a feel for the place, the best option is the boss. Stay there, Ms. Van Dyne will be right out.”  
  
Natasha and Thor nod then sit on the seats in the lobby. There’s a loud buzzing noise before Natasha sees something land on Thor’s shoulder. “Wow are you big.” Thor looks at his shoulder and Natasha leans closer eyeing the ...well they’re not really sure _what_ that is. It looks like a bug except its a person but people normally are not that small. “Janet Van Dyne at your service.” She grins. “Oh, too small for you?” She flies off Thor then lands on the chair before she slowly starts to grow so she fits in the chair comfortably with her legs hanging off the chair arm. “Is this better?”  
  
“How have you managed to change your size at will?”  
  
“A little something called Pym Particles, you volunteer for an experiment and you—” A set of wings pop up from behind her, “get these bad boys. Wasp wings, can’t fly unless I shrink but I can make the wings appear whenever I want.” She nods then the wings disappear. “So, I like to know the people I do business with.”  
  
“Many apologies, Ms. Van Dyne, I am Thor and this is Natasha.” Janet waves at both of them.  
  
“Uh, Ms. Van Dyne?” Janet leans back on the chair to get a good look at her frowning receptionist. “Medical said Rogers is conscious, do you wish to see her?”  
  
Thor and Natasha exchange glances then the former glances down at his watch flashing the name _Steve_ over and over again. _Her?_ This Steve – this _Rogers_ anyway – is definitely their leader. The watch does not lie. It has been flashing _Natasha_ since he put it on. Not that Asgardians have problems with their warriors being women – he is right next to one of the strongest warriors he has ever worked with plus there is Sif who is one of the best warriors in all the nine realms but... Captain Rogers, a woman? How interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Janet excuses herself and Natasha watches wings sprout from the brunette’s back before she shrinks and flutters off – literally flutters off. Being with S.H.I.E.L.D. Natasha normally prided herself on being able to maintain her composure; there are— _were_ very few things in life that could surprise her greatly therefore causing her calm composure to crack slightly. Fury not being really dead even though she saw him die? That was one thing. Then again... with the whole Coulson returning from the dead only to run his own S.H.I.E.L.D. fraction under the radar, Fury not really being dead should not have surprised her as much as it did. This whole getting dumped into a different, _alternate_ universe where people just up and fly whenever they wish? To be honest it was a bit more irritating than surprising.  
  
The days where the strangest things he had to deal with was the god beside her were days she longed for.  
  
Then again, this whole situation _is_ Thor’s fault. Its his crazy ex or whatever the hell she is— _was—_ that did this to them. Well, her and Wanda but the brunette is not here right now to get blamed.  
  
The receptionist is typing behind her desk glancing up at them every few seconds. Natasha figures the brunette is probably doing some kind of search on them. She couldn’t find fault in that since she’d probably do the same thing. Hell, why doesn’t she do that now? There was nothing wrong with being cautious.  
  
F.R.I.D.A.Y. may not work but Wi-Fi was universal (apparently). ‘ _Janet Van Dyne’_ international, intergalactic fashion designer and co-owner of Veneers By Van Dyne. She was also a scientist and a slew of various other things. The biggest, most searched thing about Van Dyne was her involvement with something called ‘Pym Particles.’ If Natasha’s not mistaken she heard of those in their universe. ~~(And now she’s saying things like~~ ~~ _this_~~ ~~universe and~~ ~~ _her_~~ ~~universe and whatnot.)~~  
  
Like any good waiting area there were coffee machines about and a plethora of magazines to look through, all current – which was a surprise. Natasha rose an eyebrow picking up a couple of magazines: ‘Talk Tech To Me’ and ‘All Over Armor’  
  
She hasn’t heard of either of these but what the hell – that was about to become the norm until they get back to their world. On the cover of the ‘Talk Tech To Me’ magazine is a very familiar brunet and... oh shit _its The Winter Soldier_. Natasha checks the side for the date _November 2015_. The same time from ‘their’ universe – well the magazine is a bit ahead but whatever.  
  
Furrowing her eyebrows, she skims through the magazine and sure enough one James Buchanan Barnes complete with his trademark murderous scowl is being interviewed about his prosthetic left arm. He has similarities to the guy that shot her all those years ago and there are also differences; like the fact that his eyes are _brown_ and not like the usual bluish color.  
  
There is also nothing in the interview speaking of his (remembered?) time as a brainwashed assassin but considering this universe is not hers he might not have been taken by Hydra here. If everything in this interview is even minimally correct James is living in California. Or at least taking up residence there – it makes no sense to drop everything here and go there especially when the trackers are not programmed to find him. Not that she needs it but it’ll make this whole thing a bit easier.  
  
Sighing, she puts that magazine down on her lap and picks up the other one. Another familiar individual is on that cover – or the name is familiar at least. Sharon Carter and, on page six, her defection from ‘The Carter Legacy.’ If these universes have similarities this is the niece (?) Margaret ‘Peggy’ Carter (aka the founder of S.H.I.E.L.D.).  
  
That magazine is also dated November so this story must be fairly recent. “Kitty!” Natasha turns toward the source of the exclamation and her eyes widen slightly. A near seven foot tall red woman just waltzes over to the receptionist desk; eyes yellow and her hair was a dark red that could be mistaken for black in a different lighting.  
  
The red woman _looks_ familiar but its not like Natasha knows her name (yet) and this universe’s Sharon doesn’t look remotely like the one from theirs other than their shared blonde hair and the two colors aren’t even the same. Natasha massages her temples then spares a glance at Thor who is staring intently at the red woman like he’s also trying to figure out who this is. If they played the guessing game with _every_ individual that came around they would be playing this game for a very long time. “This Midgard produces Hulks of a different color.” He muses.  
  
“What?!” Her outburst has the receptionist and red woman turn to her. Natasha slinks further in her chair before turning fully to Thor. “What?” She asks more quietly.  
  
Thor holds out his left arm to her, the tracker displays: _Robert Banner – 35% Match_. Huh. It’s never done that before. Checking her own watch she sees Thor and Steve’s names just flash – no percentage or anything. Family does share DNA so maybe this is a relative of Br— _Banner_ in this universe. Thirty-five percent is not a lot to go on but it could actually _be_ Banner all the same. Except it would be a higher percentage than just thirty-five it if actually was any sort of Banner here. Well not _any sort_ just the one they normally worked with.  
  
“Hey.” The red woman is standing in front of them now. Its pointless to point out the fact that she’s even bigger up close. “What’s going on? You two here to see Janet too? She’s patching up Rogers and _that_ might take a while.”  
  
“Aye, we are here to see Janet.” Thor replies sitting up a bit. “And you as well?” The woman nods. “What is your name and what can you tell us of this Rogers?”  
  
The red woman scoffs taking a seat next to Thor. “Elizabeth but Betty’s fine.” She shakes Thor’s hand. “Got one hell of a firm grip.” Thor laughs heartily telling the red woman the same to which she laughs. “Why do you want to know about Rogers? No, the better question is how do you not know of her? You been living under a rock or something?”  
  
“Something along those lines.”  
  
Betty hums, “alright. So get this. Rogers was one of the few people to get this experimental drug called the perfect fighter serum. It use to be called the perfect _soldier_ serum but the whole ‘soldier’” She air-quotes, “portion didn’t really work out so they switched it to fighter because, well, reasons I guess. Don’t really know all the details of what went down but General Phillips... at least I think he use to be a general.” Betty shrugs. “Anyway, so the guy sort of hand picks a few people to get the serum and like a bunch of them died because, like I said, its experimental. Rogers, laying on her death bed, gets the serum pumped in her without any consent. I honesty don’t really know how it affected her but from what I heard it wasn’t all positive. I do know, however, that she trains with the first guy to take the serum and live. Goes by the Commander now but we use to call Bradley Captain America before the military promotion.” Thor and Natasha glance at one another briefly. Rogers _isn’t_ Cap in this universe? “Rumor has it Bradley kinda went nuts after taking the serum but you know how rumors are. So, long story short, Rogers is like a professional fighter and... sort of _not_ a professional fighter.”  
  
“I am afraid I do not understand.”  
  
Betty chuckles, “you wouldn’t be the first. People think the serum impacts greatly on the limbic system or more accurately the amygdala. Or, even more accurately, the damn thing panders on the bloodlust of its user – kind of like the klyntar only more subtle, slightly. Be weary of going near her though? Scientists have gone rogue so they can get their hands on the serum.”  
  
“So the training is to protect herself? Or protect others?”  
  
“A little from column A and a little from column B. Unfortunately, I don’t know Rogers personally and I’ve never met her before her release from the hospital so I can’t tell you how much the serum affected her behavior. However, I know Bradley pretty damn well and its taken him years to get partially sane again. Rogers only had the serum in her for six days. It takes a lot of guards to sedate a serum-enhanced individual believe you me.” Thor nods slowly. “From what Jan tells me Rogers’ fights are both above and below her paygrade. Outside of whatever sport she fights professionally in she sort of gets into fights... _a lot of fights_ , most verbal but people have been known to get physical and throw the first punch. She reciprocates, easily.” That certainly sounds a bit like the Captain. Not the professional fighter part though. Although fighting villains is sort of his profession. It is sort of all of their professions. “I’m sure Jan’ll tell you all about her. If you’re lucky you might be able to actually meet her. She’ll give you one hell of a first impression though, guaranteed. I know I got one.”  
  
❧ ♛ ⌛   
  
“You know...” Janet sighs, “in your profession it is essential to keep your faces in tact.” She flies over from the blonde to the brunet.  
  
“But we—”  
  
“You don’t get to speak.” Janet flies back over to the blonde applying ointment to her face. “I may be a great stylist but I am hardly the Wizard Of Oz.” The blonde huffs opening her mouth to reply. “You don’t get to speak either.” Janet flies in between both of them and returns to her normal height, wings fluttering. “This picking fight bullshit really needs to stop. You two are the faces of my line and these pretty faces getting messed up is gonna cost me money. You ever see the cartoon Spongebob Squarepants? I’m like Mister Krabs, losing money sickens me. I’m all for equality and a good ass kicking but can you try and protect your face?” The two of them exchange glances. “Answer me!”  
  
“You just told us not to speak.” Janet’s nostrils flare. “No, you are right I apologize. However, can you correct me if I am mistaken Ms. Van Dyne? One cannot fight, whether they are victorious or not, without taking a few hits.”  
  
“Are you getting smart with me Hercules?”  
  
“N-No Ma’am.” The blonde snorts and Janet glares at her.  
  
“And just what is so damn funny Rogers? You think me touching up your bruises is _laughable_?”  
  
“I think you blowing this whole thing out of proportion is laughable. You might bust a blood vessel getting so worked up.”  
  
“Losing money is reason enough for me to get worked up.” Janet sighs pacing. “Can you two possibly _not_ double team and kick the living shit out of the first idiot to say something bad?”  
  
“We cannot make you that promise. I am grateful for the opportunity to represent you and your vision but protecting people is my vision.” The blonde nods in agreement. “There are people being treated unjustly every day, in fact it is no longer just people. Creatures of all kinds are discriminated daily—”  
  
“You are going off on quite the tangent Herc.”  
  
“Many apologies Mae.”  
  
“Shut up!” The both of them turn to her. “I have people, possibly _normal people_ to deal with outside. Not super-powered masochists that enjoy testing the limits of their abilities.”  
  
“We can’t really test them with you patching us up.” Janet narrows her eyes and the blonde waggles her eyebrows. “Just saying.”  
  
Janet sighs cradling the blonde’s face in her hands. “Ugly people don’t get as many hits to the face as you do. _That_ is unjust. That’s what it is.” She releases the blonde then cradles the brunet’s face. “You’re pretty in a rugged sort of way.”  
  
“Many thanks.” Janet sighs releasing his face. “We do not mean to cause you such distress but it is you that asked us to seek you out should we obtain any injuries.”  
  
Janet massages her temples. “I did, didn’t I? I have to wonder if I am not the true masochist here.” They both shrug. “A rhetorical question really. What happened?”  
  
“The... uh, how should I put this?”  
  
“These assholes were picking on a hybrid that _clearly_ chose not to fight back.”  
  
“Ah, how commendable. Someone who doesn’t want to fight. You two could learn from that. Also, hybrid? Are we referring to people as we do cars now?”  
  
The blonde shrugs, “my apologies I meant one of those double-species individuals. Does that sit well with you?”  
  
“Purple, you are truly lucky I like you—”  
  
“As I recall it is Maeve’s face that you are fond of.”  
  
Janet rolls her eyes. “Thanks Hercules.” The brunet nods. “Anyway, time to deal with...” She looks them over, “the people who are not you two.” Her wings start fluttering and she shrinks flying out the room. “Touch my stuff and I’ll zap you.”  
  
Hercules drums his fingers along the chair after a beat of silence, “what shall we do now?”  
  
Maeve bumps shoulders with him, “duh. We’re going to see Jan’s mystery clients.”  
  
When Janet returns to the lobby the redhead and blond are leaning back in the chairs. Neither of them look familiar but Janet rarely remembers the faces of people who don’t work for her. Rarely remembers people that _do_ work for her. Its a bad habit. A bad habit she might be aware of having but has no idea how to fix. Kitty hands her the clipboard with the ‘guest’ information: Romanoff, Natasha and Odinson, Thor.  
  
Never heard of them but Kitty’s the one that does the background checks. The brunette clears her throat. “So they finished the paperwork and all that and were talking to Betty.” Janet nods with a hum. “Thing is? They don’t—well there are no records of them, _anywhere_. I even hacked Reed’s files. Nothing.”  
  
She hands the clipboard back to Kitty. “Good to know. I’ll take it from here.” Kitty looks like she’s about to protest so Janet lifts a hand stopping her, “my father became very paranoid after that whole blob thing.” Kitty shudders.  
  
Thanks to her father, one Vernon Van Dyne, Janet Van Dyne is armed in four different styles of bare-handed martial arts and is legally able to wield various firearms; not to mention the Pym Particles which granted her the ability to shoot ‘wasp stings’ from her hands. Sometimes a zap or two was enough to subdue someone. Other times her other skills were required. Janet only volunteered to be experimented on because her father got kidnapped by a rival company. She figured if she were small enough she could go in, shrink and save him then get out. Unfortunately, that Pym guy was pretty damn stingy with the shrink juice and Janet actually accidentally got doused with the stuff that altered her DNA.  
  
It didn’t matter, about 65% of the world was altered anyway. If she didn’t have alien DNA inside her she was going to have mutant. Why not be part bug? Yes, bugs _were_ initially the one thing she did not want inside her but since being altered she hasn’t been bothered by a single insect.  
  
She was like Jupiter Jones... except, to her knowledge, she does not _own_ the Earth; because if she did things would be a lot easier for her business. She turns to ‘Natasha’ and ‘Thor’ smiling. “Follow me.”  
  
With the whole alien _thing_ going on people were actually less paranoid than when the Earth had just been home to humans. Aliens – particularly the Kree – often said humans were adaptable. Janet would not have believed them if she were not half insect. Leading them to an _empty_ room the three of them go inside.  
  
The redhead glances around then looks down at her left wrist. She leans into the blond whispering something in his ear and he nods. “Ms. Van Dyne.” The blond begins, “thank you for seeing us.” The guy actually spoke a bit like Hercules. Weird.  
  
“No thanks necessary man.” Janet flops down in the chair, “what can I do for you folks because I can tell you know this is far from a personal visit.”  
  
“It is actually pretty personal.” The redhead says sitting down. “We need to see Rogers.”  
  
Janet sits up a bit. “Rogers? Why?” Her wings pop up. “No backsies on the serum assholes, it wasn’t even her choice to get experimented on!”  
  
“You misunderstand.” Janet’s eyes narrow and her wings flutter a bit. “We have no quarrel with her or you. This may sound unbelievable but if you are to ask Reed Richards he would tell you that we are not from this universe.”  
  
Janet nods slowly, eyes still narrowed. “And Purple? I mean, Rogers? What about her? I can tell you _she’s_ from this universe.”  
  
“You are not surprised?”  
  
“Surprised? I’m part insect, my best friend is a seven foot tall _red_ mutate, I just scheduled a fitting for a time traveler... plus there is the whole—” She gestures all around, “we live with aliens bit. Do you honestly think something like jumping universes is unbelievable? That is like typical Tuesday night stuff. Granted today is Monday but you get the gist.”   
  
The blond laughs heartily then leans forward extending the hand with a watch on it. Only the ‘watch’ is displaying the names: Natasha Romanoff, Steven Rogers, Robert Banner – 35%. “We have reason to believe the Rogers you know is one of ours in our universe, she might be able to assist us in returning home.”  
  
“Well the only person who is into the whole multiple universe thing is Reed.” Janet says with a shrug. “Only... why does this Robert Banner person only have thirty-five percent? What about the other sixty-five percent?”  
  
“We are not exactly sure. These watches were given to us to help find our teammates in case of kidnappings or something along those lines.”  
  
“So just in case anything happens you can track your team? How stalkerish.” The blond shrugs sheepishly. “Hey, if you wanna convince Purple or ask her for help or whatever by all means go ahead. She’s probably standing outside the door anyway. She doesn’t _look_ like a _Steve_ though... must be a different universe thing.”  
  
“Purple?”  
  
“Yeah, her name is another word for purple.” Janet takes a deep breath. “You idiots can come in now!”  
  
“You mentioned something of a serum?” There’s a thud before two people tumble into the room.  
  
“Oh yeah. The Fighter Serum. Meet Hercules and Mauve.”  
  
“Maeve.” The blonde says getting to her feet hauling up the brunet with her. “Why’re you talkin bout me?”  
  
“Not talking about, just introducing. I thought they were with those guys that wanted to experiment on you to see if they could redo the serum but they have an even stranger cause. They come from an alternate universe where you are their teammate.”  
  
The blonde hums then strides over to them. Natasha blinks at her – she figured Rogers would make a pretty woman but now she has proof to back up said claim. Not too sure who the hell this Hercules guy was and really she thought _Thor_ was the only one with a mythological name – well this isn’t their universe anymore so there could be more mythological folk around. Or this guy could just have cruel parents. At this point neither would surprise her.  
  
“It is a pleasure to meet the two of you.” Hercules exclaims. “Welcome to our universe!” Natasha raises an eyebrow at Thor who shrugs. “Have you already—”  
  
“Whoa! Wait a minute!” Janet shrinks then flies in front of Hercules. “Were you going to do what I think you were going to do?” He nods slowly. Nu=huh, out of the ever loving fucking question Herc.”  
  
“I apologize. I just figured helping them out would be faster because it would mean they leave sooner.”  
  
“They’re not gonna be able to leave until Reed, once again, fixes this whole alternate thing.” The two of them stare at her, “what? You two think you’re the first alternate versions to just pop up?”  
  
“As a matter of fact, yes, we did.”  
  
“Well I’m sorry to disappoint. As I said this sort of weirdness is commonplace. You may be the first alternates this month but just a few weeks ago we had some people from alternate universes just show up out of the blue. They’re probably still around. Now then...” She drums her fingers along the chair. “You got Rogers, anyone else?” Thor takes off his watch handing it to Janet who scrolls the list. “Can’t say I recognize half the surnames here... better yet its more like I don’t recognize ninety-five percent of them. Ninety-eight percent. Oh! Hey, now I know where that name is familiar. Robert Banner. That was the name of Betty’s fiancé.” Janet nods to herself, “but even with all the universe hopping and aliens we have yet to achieve the ability to return the dead back to life.” Missing the shocked expressions on Thor and Natasha’s faces she presses on. “Hmm... you could always get a Banner from a different universe but I somehow doubt that’s what you need. I _might_ – don’t quote me or anything – but I might be able to help with Maximoff but I will wish you good luck on finding anyone with the surname Stark... unless you’re referring to Game Of Thrones cosplayers.”  
  
Thor opens his mouth to reply but Natasha glares at him. Sighing, he slumps back in his seat. “Why would you wish us luck in locating Stark?”  
  
“She’s a wanted criminal? Right, why am I answering like that you couldn’t possibly know. Stark’s on the run and all that, I’m sure if you do manage to find her at some point in time it’ll be in a jail cell.”  
  
“I doubt a sixteen-year-old is a cyber-terrorist.” Maeve says with a scoff. “And that she ‘kidnapped’” She air-quotes, “a police officer.”  
  
“Call it what you will but with the amount of time you spend beating down assholes who don’t follow the law I figured you two would be gearing to go catch this kid.”  
  
“Aye.” Hercules glances at the blonde, “normally we would but we are in agreement that we believe she is innocent.” Stark is sixteen and also a girl. Stark was insufferable as an adult male, _s_ he is bound to be worse as a _teenager_. Natasha sighs. Not even a full day in this universe and its giving her a headache. “If it is Stark you seek I will be happy to lend assistance. I with to speak with her and prove her innocence.”  
  
Janet laughs, “yeah good luck with that.”  
  
“We would appreciate the assistance.” Thor says standing to shake hands with Hercules. Hercules glances back at Maeve who shrugs.  
  
“While you’re at it see if you can find anyone else on that list. The universe – the universes – are ever expanding, you’re pretty damn lucky to be able to pinpoint the people you need to find. I guess its a good thing alternates share DNA, huh?” Janet frowns. “So... that’ll be a tedious process, why not take in some sites and whatnot beforehand? Or in the middle of your mission. You two came just in time for International Mutant Day.”


End file.
